For as long as I can remember, I've always fixated my future family as five kids. Five seemed like the perfect number, so five was what I settled on early. In my 20s, while dating in the LA scene (not recommended), a guy I wasn't interested in initially but would eventually date for a bit was with me at a diner waiting for our other friends to arrive. We saw some cute kids running around and he asked me how many kids I wanted, without hesitation, I blurted out, "five" to which he responded, "me too!" I was shocked and that may have been part of why I eventually went out with him. Most people think five kids is a lot, especially those who do not come from Mormon or Catholic families. But five kids just felt like a good number to me.
When I think back to my upbringing, I can put my finger on exactly how this came to be. For three years, my cousins three and six years my senior, came to live with us. They had lived with their mom in the US for three years prior, but their mom eventually went back to be with my uncle in Taiwan while the kids were sent to live with us. This might sound odd, but it's actually all quite normal with immigrant families. I remember when my brother was born, we also had a unique situation. My parents both worked at the time, and we certainly could not afford a nanny or for my mom to stay home with us. So the solution my parents came to have was shuttling my brother off to my aunt's (my mom's sister) in-laws every Sunday night where he stayed intel we picked him up every Friday night. It wasn't an arrangement that lasted very long, maybe a few months, but as a mom now, I can't imagine having to part with my newborn for so long during the week, but there was no other way they could have done it, so that was what we did.
Growing up I was an only child for six years of my life. Late into my sixth year of life, my parents would bring home a baby. It would be a weird encounter, one I wasn't prepared for (maybe they told me beforehand, but I didn't notice my mom's growing stomach and was completely oblivious to the fact), and one I rejected entirely in the beginning. Sure I had begged them for a sibling, but after years of rejection, I had come to terms with my only child status, and had begun to become quite fond of it. I liked being the center of attention, I liked coming up with imaginative games of my own, and I even began talking to myself and having a ball. Loneliness became the norm and eventually morphed into creative exploration with a party of one. When my brother joined the family, it was so big of an age gap that I couldn't handle it. Two years with a little brother, and having not quite adjusted, our cousins came to live with us, and all of a sudden, we were a big family with four kids, and it was SO. MUCH. FUN.
My mom had quit her job to be a stay at home mom a year earlier after learning I was being bullied by the other kids at the after school Chinese program, a sacrifice I have always been so grateful for. With my cousins coming to live with us, it was became more evident that having a stay at home mom was necessary. I remember my mom making elaborate snacks for us when we came home everyday. I remember her exploring American foods like copy cat Subway sandwiches, hamburgers, even baked seafood chowder pasta. I remember homemade Chinese soups from scratch and cantaloupe tapioca and shaved ice during the summers. I remember going along with my mom to pick up my oldest cousin from high school, my second oldest cousin from junior high, and then us being shuttled around for tutoring, dance classes, and home for piano lessons. I remember walking to the library with my cousins because they were old and mature. I remember waiting for it to be 10 AM on the weekends before I was allowed to go wake up my cousins (seriously, why did they sleep so much? or why did I sleep so little?). I remember listening to my cousin tell me about boys and kissing her poster of Doogie Howser and learning about New Kids on the Block. I remember helping my cousin rip his jeans because that's what all the cool kids were doing, yes even with brand new jeans! I remember push down socks, big bangs, and neon colored biker shorts, all fashion ensembles that my way cooler and hip older girl cousin taught me. I remember listening to 102.7 KIIS FM with them, something that was completely foreign to me before they came. I remember watching Chinese sitcoms with them on the weekends, along with TGIF, and staying up late to watch Sisters with my cousin every Friday night. I remember how much fun it was to have a house full of people. And that's why I've always wanted a lot of kids.
But I think we'll stick with four. Even numbers are good.
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