Never Good Enough

I was in elementary school when The Joy Luck Club came out and my mom and aunt took my cousins (my age and one 4 years younger) and me to go see it.  We didn't understand the significance of the movie, or even the cultural impact it had on my mom and aunt as they cried throughout the entire movie.  We didn't even notice that most of the cast were Asian, just that they spoke some Mandarin here or there that we didn't need to read the subtitles to understand.  My mom and aunt both raved about the movie.  It was such a pivotal time for Asian Americans.  Or so I heard.

When I got to college in 2000, I would watch The Joy Luck Club again and have a deja vu moment as I cried profusely throughout the entire movie.  How did the movie know that I also felt like I was never good enough?  How did the movie pinpoint the oddity of random Chinese American struggles so well?  It wasn't even a recent movie by the time I was watching it in college.  It was almost a relic with the hairdos and 90s outfits all the current daughter were wearing.  And yet, I got it.  It all made sense to me now.  Something between the first time and second time I watched it, I had grown to understand the significant of the movie.  The exploration of a cultural struggle to adapt and preserve one's identity.  The desire to please your mom, not understand her fully, and to love her all the while. And even though I'm now a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and have been counseled not to watch rated R movies, I have to keep The Joy Luck Club in my collection.  I just have to.  It's symbolic of an entire generation of American born Chinese girls disappointing their immigrant moms, and when I need a good cry, I'll watch it again.