Chinese people like to pretend they are clean. That's why none of them like to wear shoes at home. On the contrary, most Chinese people I know are huge hoarders. They like to keep stuff, just in case they can use it again. In my limited experience interacting with other like minded immigrant children, I have seen a bunch of homes and guess what? It's the norm! In general, most Asians like to keep their cooking spices and oils on the counter for easy access. This makes for a cluttered counter. Most people don't wear shoes at home. This makes for a lot of shoes in the entry way when shoe shelves are not available. Most Asians do not like to go through their mail. This makes for a bunch of ignored paperwork piling up.
Growing up, we had lots of trash bags. These were usually stuffed full of clothes that had been washed but not yet put away, ones we had to stash away for when guests came over, to give the impression that our unkept home was in fact kept. The awkward and unmatched bedsheets that had been draped over our couches were stripped away quickly to reveal untouched and nearly new couches. Mail seemed to always take over our dining table until it was momentarily moved behind closed office doors and would often stay there and get overlooked until a bill was late.
But my aunt, she was something for the books. I remember going to her home, and pouring over her drawers in awe, because everytime I opened one, there would be compartments and places for everything. When she opened her linen closet to grab me another towel, I saw carefully labeled clear containers that held medicine and other cabinet appropriate items. Her kitchen had clear counters. Her shelves had frames and decor, not piles of junk.
My best friends' home growing up, was similar. There were bookshelves with books upright, she had to reach down to grab the oil from a cabinet to cook with, and mail was carefully stacked in a small stack always on the otherwise clear dining room table.
These outliers inspired me that I could be something else.
Not that I got away with much at home. I still remember being told to clean my room. So naturally, I found the closet the perfect place to stash everything. I quickly shoved it all in and closed the door behind the mess, proud of my own quick accomplishment. When my mom discovered it, I was severely punished. She found the mess and lectured me for what seemed like hours, about how inappropriate and lazy and unfilial (an Asian thing) I was. That closet incident was a turning point for me. From that day forth, I became obsessed with organizing, cleaning, and making sure everything had its place. It was as if a switch was turned on. I loved it. I spent hours color coding and alphabetizing my closet, my books, my CDs, and rearranging everything in my room when I felt I needed a fresh organizational approach. I even began cleaning up my friends' rooms whenever I went over, it was just so much fun.
Of course, facetime now reveals some laundry out of place, or some toys on the floor, and everytime we are talking with my mom, she will make a comment about how "messy" our home is. And then, following, will be some audacious comment about how our home is not that far from hers. As if funny, a chuckle of sorts, as if our home is just an extension of the one she raised me in, which is most peculiar to me because she was the one who forced me into who I am today.
I think the insight I got from others along with the reprimanding from my own mother, pushed me the the standards of cleanliness that I have today. Mostly organized, not always clean, always trying harder to keep my counters and floors clear, even with four kids constantly unraveling the neat I have just tidied up.
But I need positive affirmation too. I may be 35, but I still need mommy dearest to tell me I'm doing a good job. So.... now... if only she would stop telling me how messy my home is and start commenting on how clean it looks! Wishful thinking?
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