Being Careful Who Your Friends Are

Chinese moms are very particular about who you become friends with.  Do they get good grades?  Who are their parents?  As I've grown up, the questions have transformed to Where did they go college?  Where do they work?  Are they married?  Do they have kids?  

I learned at a young age that my mom would not be ashamed to openly disapprove of my friends.  Why she wearing so little clothes?  Why she wearing make-up?  Ugh, mom!!! I remember thinking over and over again.  Why can't she understand.  Why can't she just be understanding of my friends?  But she always had a motive for her criticism.  And that was for me to be surrounded by good people.  She knew the power of influence that friends have over us and she wanted to shield me from any dangerous bad grade going out wearing make-up and little clothes type of friends (for the record, the two are not mutually exclusive).

When I got to college and discovered a life of partying, one I had not known in high school as I was focusing on grades, activities, and getting into a good college, I thought my mom might disapprove.  Surprisingly, she was all for it.  This being the right time now.  She went as far to support it, asking me what party I was going to this weekend.  Or inviting all my friends to come party up at our house.  Or letting me go out without a curfew so long as I called her to let her know I was alive the next day.

And then post college when I was working, she was keen on making sure I surrounded myself with reliable team members.  Whenever I complained to her about a nasty coworker or someone who seemed a bit selfish, she was quick to give her two cents about how I should try to stop working with these people or watch my back.  You never knowing they stab you in the back! She'd give the same critique about managers or partners she didn't think were good (based on my stories of interactions with them).  She kept fine tabs on my life.

Not much has changed.  Now I'm in the motherhood stage of life and as I talk to my mom about all the different mom pals I have, she's still quietly judging (for just a second though) before warning me not to surround myself with moms who just complain or hate on motherhood.  It's being important to be positive and love your kids and do so much for them.  Also, don't forget about yourself.  Being important to care for you and take care of your body and skin too.  It's a lot to take sometimes, and a lot to remember, but it's also a good reminder that mother knows best.

I didn't get it when I was growing up and wondering why my mom always hated on my rebellious and adventurous friends.  I get it now.  I didn't get it when I was in college and she was wondering why some of my friends took so long to graduate or took time off to "find themselves."  I get it now.  She just wanted me to surround myself with good uplifting positive influences.  She knew how powerful your environment is.

They say misery loves company.  It's true.  And as hard as being a mom of three little kids is, I am so grateful I get to do it and over the moon that this is my life.  I don't wonder what it'd be like working in Corporate America still.  I know I'm good at this, even at my lowest point of screechy yelling at my kids to just comply if but for two seconds, I know this is what I was meant to do, because goodness knows I can't imagine anyone else doing it for my kids!  But throwing myself a pity party about the awful minutes that feel like an eternity don't do me any good.  Talking to other parents about our kids' bad behavior is sometimes a good thing so you know you're not alone, but the fine line of crossing over that to the point of just complaining about how kids ruin your life (I do say that jokingly, but I mean really just whining about it to no avail) is just as bad as the intern who throws a fit over getting everyone's coffee order.  Part of it is just life, part of it is just paying your dues, part of it is just a phase, and all of it will pass.  Obviously, nobody wants to order coffee for the rest of their life, as I don't want to be cleaning poop off the floor for the rest of mine, but all in good time.

In the meanwhile, I will just try to remember what Momma Chou said about being careful who your friends are.  Sad to think it applies to mom friends too, but it does.