Growing up, we were by no means wealthy. Our weekends were spent at the flea markets and random garage sales in nicer neighborhoods. A trip to the local Pic'n'Save meant I might get some new outfits for my Barbies, but a trip to Target meant I would just browse the $15 Barbies from afar, hoping and wishing I'd get one for Christmas. Our TV was a small 19", if that. We had a smaller black and white TV with two knobs, one to change the channel, and one to attempt to make the screen a bit more clear. Eating at Sizzler was a treat. Most of the time, we had dim sum on the weekends with extended family or we ate at home.
To be generous, my parents were frugal (like what I did there?!) At a young age, I knew to say no to wine taste and beer salary, and yet I hadn't even taken my first sip of alcohol yet. My parents were hard working middle class parents, trying to shield their children of the financial burdens and stress they faced everyday. But I wasn't oblivious. I knew we weren't rich. I knew we were actually kind of on the poor side. I knew the San Marino snobs I took dance with all had four or five recital numbers and I had one. I knew my parents fought about how much piano lessons were and I overheard my mom say over and over how important it was for me to develop my "class" and have that skill! I knew my parents borrowed money from richer family members. I knew my grandma always footed the bill when we went out to eat. I knew. They didn't think I knew.. but I did.
In 1996, things seemed to pick up. My mom began doing real estate and she was really quite good at it. By 1998, we had our first large screen television. By 2001, we had cable (still mad to this day that it was after I went away to college!). My brother, six years younger, never truly experienced the "poor" days of my life. My dual income parents now made quite a bit of money, so much that my financial aid was reduced a lot my senior year.
Money isn't as hard to come by for my parents as it was when I was younger. My mom bought me a Vitamix when I was engaged and said it was for my future family. "So you can making smoothies for your husband and kids every single day." She gave us her van a few years later when she couldn't stand the site of our firstborn cramped in our Camry. "Needing bigger car for baby, help him be happier. Take my van." Upon Jordan's first time sitting in the van, she commented, "See how much happier he is in the big van? Kids like big cars, not little cramped cars like you were driving. This is much better."
So when my mom saw me post on Facebook that I couldn't bring the Vitamix with us to DC (it's got an extremely heavy base), she called me immediately.
"You need to bring the Vitamix!" she told me. "How are the kids going to drinking smoothies everyday?!" she asked.
"Well... it's kind of heavy." I told her. "Then Dad can bring you one when he goes!" (For the record, he's coming mid April.. that's 1.5 months into our trip. ....
"Mom, it's okay. We don't need it. Lots of poor people do without Vitamixs and are still healthy," (Did I really say that? Shoot, I didn't mean that I just... wow, my mom really brings out the worse in me sometimes...)
"Don't be so cheap! Just go buy one!" she screamed. "I'll pay for it!"
Let me stop right here and tell you how many times she has said this.
"Mom, I can't work out right now at Equinox because it's too expensive."
I'll pay for it!
Mom, I can't buy more clothes right now, we don't have enough money for clothing purchases not out of need."
I'll pay for it!
No, Andy doesn't want to take me to a nice steakhouse, he refuses to pay for fancy food he'll just poop out later.
I'll pay for it!
Jordan broke our TV. We think we should wait a while so he learns a lesson. Sure, we can replace it - but it's the principle of the matter.
I'll pay for it!
I know, I know. Does she even listen to me?
And then when I send her photos of clothes I think she might say "I'll pay for it!" she never ceases to amaze me by responding with "That's ugly, don't get that" or "that's too plain, get something fancier" and the best is when Jordan asked if maybe po po would buy him the toy. I suggested we take a photo and ask her, she responded with, "stop buying them toys, I'll only buy them books from now on!"
Needless to say, I ended our Vitamix conversation with, "Mom... it's not about the money. It's about the fact that we're there for 2 months and it's too heavy to bring! We will be fine for TWO months. Is this all you called to talk about? Because if so, I'm kind of busy right now--CLICK.
And there you go. Just buy it Daisy. ....
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Never Good Enough
My mom gave me this super cute J Crew mustard skirt almost three years ago. I couldn't fit into it, but took it anyway, hopeful that one day post partum, it'd fit!
My mom also gave me these super cute Sam Edelman ankle strap close toed heels with faux fur in a deep purple. She got them on sale at Fashion Island in the OC at Bloomingdales (which is why I didn't initially return them for store credit like I would if they were from Nordstrom).
So... I thought it'd be nice to send her a photo to show her mom, I fit into the skirt and i finally was wearing the heels she got me!
I thought she'd be flattered or excited.
I got three missed calls tonight in the span of ten minutes...
Of course, I was so very wrong.
First, she asked me if I was still doing that diet (I did the Fast Metabolism Diet back in November). I'm actually not on the diet but I pretend I am so I can live off of the principles without thinking much about it... I mindless eat for comfort a lot so it's been good for me to sorta be on the diet during the day. Anyway, I told her no but I still have some weight to loose or love handles, so yes I do have weight loss goals not quite met.
Your legs look a chicken's and you're too skinny! You need to stop losing weight, you're perfect now!
I'm not a new Chinese daughter. I know this scene, it's happened over and over before and here I am, still confident more crap is to come.. Maybe not today but also not someday, more like a day in the near future...
As if that was it, she then told me I shouldn't wear such high heels. "You gave me those heels and they're only 2 inches high! You told me they're great heels cuz there not that high!" Ugh, Chinese moms... You can never win with them!
Friday, February 12, 2016
Being Careful Who Your Friends Are
Chinese moms are very particular about who you become friends with. Do they get good grades? Who are their parents? As I've grown up, the questions have transformed to Where did they go college? Where do they work? Are they married? Do they have kids?
I learned at a young age that my mom would not be ashamed to openly disapprove of my friends. Why she wearing so little clothes? Why she wearing make-up? Ugh, mom!!! I remember thinking over and over again. Why can't she understand. Why can't she just be understanding of my friends? But she always had a motive for her criticism. And that was for me to be surrounded by good people. She knew the power of influence that friends have over us and she wanted to shield me from any dangerous bad grade going out wearing make-up and little clothes type of friends (for the record, the two are not mutually exclusive).
When I got to college and discovered a life of partying, one I had not known in high school as I was focusing on grades, activities, and getting into a good college, I thought my mom might disapprove. Surprisingly, she was all for it. This being the right time now. She went as far to support it, asking me what party I was going to this weekend. Or inviting all my friends to come party up at our house. Or letting me go out without a curfew so long as I called her to let her know I was alive the next day.
And then post college when I was working, she was keen on making sure I surrounded myself with reliable team members. Whenever I complained to her about a nasty coworker or someone who seemed a bit selfish, she was quick to give her two cents about how I should try to stop working with these people or watch my back. You never knowing they stab you in the back! She'd give the same critique about managers or partners she didn't think were good (based on my stories of interactions with them). She kept fine tabs on my life.
Not much has changed. Now I'm in the motherhood stage of life and as I talk to my mom about all the different mom pals I have, she's still quietly judging (for just a second though) before warning me not to surround myself with moms who just complain or hate on motherhood. It's being important to be positive and love your kids and do so much for them. Also, don't forget about yourself. Being important to care for you and take care of your body and skin too. It's a lot to take sometimes, and a lot to remember, but it's also a good reminder that mother knows best.
I didn't get it when I was growing up and wondering why my mom always hated on my rebellious and adventurous friends. I get it now. I didn't get it when I was in college and she was wondering why some of my friends took so long to graduate or took time off to "find themselves." I get it now. She just wanted me to surround myself with good uplifting positive influences. She knew how powerful your environment is.
They say misery loves company. It's true. And as hard as being a mom of three little kids is, I am so grateful I get to do it and over the moon that this is my life. I don't wonder what it'd be like working in Corporate America still. I know I'm good at this, even at my lowest point of screechy yelling at my kids to just comply if but for two seconds, I know this is what I was meant to do, because goodness knows I can't imagine anyone else doing it for my kids! But throwing myself a pity party about the awful minutes that feel like an eternity don't do me any good. Talking to other parents about our kids' bad behavior is sometimes a good thing so you know you're not alone, but the fine line of crossing over that to the point of just complaining about how kids ruin your life (I do say that jokingly, but I mean really just whining about it to no avail) is just as bad as the intern who throws a fit over getting everyone's coffee order. Part of it is just life, part of it is just paying your dues, part of it is just a phase, and all of it will pass. Obviously, nobody wants to order coffee for the rest of their life, as I don't want to be cleaning poop off the floor for the rest of mine, but all in good time.
In the meanwhile, I will just try to remember what Momma Chou said about being careful who your friends are. Sad to think it applies to mom friends too, but it does.
I learned at a young age that my mom would not be ashamed to openly disapprove of my friends. Why she wearing so little clothes? Why she wearing make-up? Ugh, mom!!! I remember thinking over and over again. Why can't she understand. Why can't she just be understanding of my friends? But she always had a motive for her criticism. And that was for me to be surrounded by good people. She knew the power of influence that friends have over us and she wanted to shield me from any dangerous bad grade going out wearing make-up and little clothes type of friends (for the record, the two are not mutually exclusive).
When I got to college and discovered a life of partying, one I had not known in high school as I was focusing on grades, activities, and getting into a good college, I thought my mom might disapprove. Surprisingly, she was all for it. This being the right time now. She went as far to support it, asking me what party I was going to this weekend. Or inviting all my friends to come party up at our house. Or letting me go out without a curfew so long as I called her to let her know I was alive the next day.
And then post college when I was working, she was keen on making sure I surrounded myself with reliable team members. Whenever I complained to her about a nasty coworker or someone who seemed a bit selfish, she was quick to give her two cents about how I should try to stop working with these people or watch my back. You never knowing they stab you in the back! She'd give the same critique about managers or partners she didn't think were good (based on my stories of interactions with them). She kept fine tabs on my life.
Not much has changed. Now I'm in the motherhood stage of life and as I talk to my mom about all the different mom pals I have, she's still quietly judging (for just a second though) before warning me not to surround myself with moms who just complain or hate on motherhood. It's being important to be positive and love your kids and do so much for them. Also, don't forget about yourself. Being important to care for you and take care of your body and skin too. It's a lot to take sometimes, and a lot to remember, but it's also a good reminder that mother knows best.
I didn't get it when I was growing up and wondering why my mom always hated on my rebellious and adventurous friends. I get it now. I didn't get it when I was in college and she was wondering why some of my friends took so long to graduate or took time off to "find themselves." I get it now. She just wanted me to surround myself with good uplifting positive influences. She knew how powerful your environment is.
They say misery loves company. It's true. And as hard as being a mom of three little kids is, I am so grateful I get to do it and over the moon that this is my life. I don't wonder what it'd be like working in Corporate America still. I know I'm good at this, even at my lowest point of screechy yelling at my kids to just comply if but for two seconds, I know this is what I was meant to do, because goodness knows I can't imagine anyone else doing it for my kids! But throwing myself a pity party about the awful minutes that feel like an eternity don't do me any good. Talking to other parents about our kids' bad behavior is sometimes a good thing so you know you're not alone, but the fine line of crossing over that to the point of just complaining about how kids ruin your life (I do say that jokingly, but I mean really just whining about it to no avail) is just as bad as the intern who throws a fit over getting everyone's coffee order. Part of it is just life, part of it is just paying your dues, part of it is just a phase, and all of it will pass. Obviously, nobody wants to order coffee for the rest of their life, as I don't want to be cleaning poop off the floor for the rest of mine, but all in good time.
In the meanwhile, I will just try to remember what Momma Chou said about being careful who your friends are. Sad to think it applies to mom friends too, but it does.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Always Put Your Arm Out Like This!
Chinese people love taking photos. They were taking photos of their food and throwing up peace signs long before #selfie even became a thing.
In my parents' home, there are remnants of a projector with slides, polaroids, cameras with film, large video recorders, tripods, and every generation of digital camera you can think of.
A few years ago, my mom started becoming obsessed with my InStyle magazines that were leftover when I moved out of the house and never updated my address and autopay. She was especially fond of the way the celebrities all held out their arms to give the illusion of a skinny arm. She began to repeatedly advise me to hold my arm out during photos.
And then one day, I saw some photos of her with friends and realized - her arm looks really awkwardly placed! She wasn't just holding it out naturally, her arm was propped stiffly and looked like an awful drill team pose! I think she's taken the "arm out to make it look skinny" thing a lil bit too far.
I thought I'd give her some advice and kindly let her know it's a little too far out and awkward. Make it look more natural, I told her. Make sure it's out, but also not so rigid.
She's been working on it. We've made some progress.. but it's not quite there yet.
Case in point, this photo of me with my cousin from 2007 indicates the wrong doing of not properly putting out the arm enough, letting the arm flab squish where it's greatest, and hence.. larger arm than if I had properly posed it out.
I guess my mom does know what she's talking about. Dang it!
In my parents' home, there are remnants of a projector with slides, polaroids, cameras with film, large video recorders, tripods, and every generation of digital camera you can think of.
A few years ago, my mom started becoming obsessed with my InStyle magazines that were leftover when I moved out of the house and never updated my address and autopay. She was especially fond of the way the celebrities all held out their arms to give the illusion of a skinny arm. She began to repeatedly advise me to hold my arm out during photos.
And then one day, I saw some photos of her with friends and realized - her arm looks really awkwardly placed! She wasn't just holding it out naturally, her arm was propped stiffly and looked like an awful drill team pose! I think she's taken the "arm out to make it look skinny" thing a lil bit too far.
I thought I'd give her some advice and kindly let her know it's a little too far out and awkward. Make it look more natural, I told her. Make sure it's out, but also not so rigid.
She's been working on it. We've made some progress.. but it's not quite there yet.
Case in point, this photo of me with my cousin from 2007 indicates the wrong doing of not properly putting out the arm enough, letting the arm flab squish where it's greatest, and hence.. larger arm than if I had properly posed it out.
I guess my mom does know what she's talking about. Dang it!
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