I don't think I'm alone when I say that immigrant children are usually not allowed to attend sleepovers. I can count the number of times I was allowed to sleepover at a friend's house growing up. Well, it's not really hard when it's counting to one. Yes... one. Once. UNO.
My mom just always had this weird you never know if your friend's dad or brother or uncle might be some pedophile or something worse mentality. Even when I thought she had let me sleep over once, she might let me do it again, I was wrong. She had given me a pass, a one time only exception and she did not have any intention to allow me another go. She just didn't trust other peoples' parents and she didn't like the idea of me being away from home at night. If I asked, she would tell me I already got to go once, wasn't that good enough and then offer for everyone else to sleepover at our house instead. But when most of your friends growing up also have immigrant parents, this meant most of the girls' moms had the same attitudes and fears of sleepovers and hence, ended up picking them up late at night anyway.
Well, even though my mom was really strict about sleepovers, she wasn't as strict about other things. Like television. Don't get me wrong, I could only watch TV from Friday after school until Sunday night, but in terms of what I watched on television? No restrictions. The entire concept of mature television appropriate for children was never a question for my parents. They were all trying to consume American culture themselves, they didn't see anything wrong with it and never restricted us from anything on TV. One of the first television shows I remember being obsessed about with my mom every Friday night... Dallas. I can still hum the tune of the opening credits and remember being obsessed about JR (who was also from the old Genie tv show we also watched frequently on reruns). When Beverly Hills 90210 began, despite it being on a weekday, I was able to record the pilot episode and watch it on the weekend. When my cousin three years my senior came to live with our family for a few years in the midst of the Beverly Hills 90210 rage, we recorded every single episode and devoured it Friday night after TGIF and Sisters. We watched some pretty mature content television for being 12 and under.. but we loved it and none of it bothered my mom. I was eight or nine when Pretty Woman came out and I remember the adults talking about if it was okay for us to watch with them. The discussion wasn't even a debate, just a quick .. should be okay, right? If not, we'll cover their eyes kind of lackadaisical thought. And so we watched it with the entire family and I still remember all us kids putting a blanket over our heads when the "sex scene" was coming - which was really just Richard Gere and Julia Roberts kissing and a fade out to darkness. It wouldn't be until I was older and rewatching it, that I'd realize what exactly a prostitute was. My take away was... "you work on commission? Big mistake. Big. Huge!" ....
The same went for music. Songs about sex and drugs? Over our heads. We just sang to the tunes and loved 'em all the same. The radio was our best friend, and as long as no curse words were heard, my mom and dad never thought to restrict the music we listened to as we did our homework after school. Books? We read way too much Baby Sitters Club, Sweet Valley High, and V.C. Andrews. Not exactly quality book reading, but all the same to my mom. As long as we were reading, that was all she really cared about.
The thing is... when the culture and language is new to you, you just want what is best for your kids which means exposing them to whatever is out there without realizing there may be some boundaries to set. On the flip side, with such strict rules about dating, going out with friends after 8 PM (not allowed unless it was a school function), slumber parties, and phone calls (three a day only)... it doesn't really matter what type of mature information you're exposed to. And for me personally, it really was just watching, listening, or reading from afar. The stories were all fiction and far from my own life of studying, playing the piano, and being a good Chinese daughter. Just stories about American kids and the crazy things they do. And me? I wasn't American, definitely not.. I was Chinese American and in an entirely different world.
A world where I was sheltered and safe, and all thanks to my mom and the things she would and wouldn't let me do.
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